Liar Lair (repost)

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and asked, "May I see your driver's license?"

The driver answered, "I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI."

The officer asked, "May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?"

The driver answered,"It's not my car. I stole it."

The officer asked, "The car is stolen?"

The driver answered, "That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there."

The officer asked, "There's a gun in the glove box?"

The driver answered, "Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk."

The officer asked, "There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?"

The driver answered, "Yes, sir."

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by! police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.

The Captain asked, "Sir, can I see your license?" The driver answered, "Sure. Here it is." It was valid.

The Captain asked, "Who's car is this?"

The driver answered, "It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card." The driver owned the car.

The Captain asked, "Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?"

The driver answered, "Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it." Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

The Captain asked, "Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it."

The driver answered, "No problem." Trunk is opened; no body.

The Captain said, "I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk."

The driver answered, "Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!"

New Middle Age Thoughts

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 

4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighbourhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection… again. 

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 

14. "Do no machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never was this - ever. 

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes do voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 

19. I disagree with Kay Jewellers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with Miller Like than Kay. 

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it. 

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. 

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. 

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pant? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. 

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists. 

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys, in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

"No pain, no gain"

When they say, "No pain, no gain", does that include flu season?

What about when you stub your toe?

Same for , "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". How is getting a paper cut going to make you stronger? I really hope no one has died from one of those...

Sure the pot is cracked but we still need it!

Just watched Sam Harris, author of "The Moral Landscape: How Science Can Determine Human Values," and could not believe some of his conclusions.

He brings up some good points about how organized religion of all types can and to some degree pervert the inherent moral values that all people have. Slavery is ok, treating women as lower class is ok, child rape is not as bad as wearing a condom, just about every religion has something backwards and I agree that they should not be part of our society. However, he says we should determine morals by scientific means and everyone should just stop doing what they believe in. This could not be more wrong.

Cultures grow over time, they make laws, change laws, fix issues over generations. Sometimes their laws a messed up but they create a balance that works for that society. When you change the rules, this WILL create issues. Classic modern day example is woman's suffrage. First off, I agree that all people should be treated equally. Culture made women less valuable. Put them in the home to raise kids. Made them learn how to cook. (I'll say this again, I think this should all be a choice.) But when women got all the equal rights, all the responsibilities got forgotten and as a result, children had no one to make them quality home cooked meals, or teach them properly. The doubling of capable employees increased unemployment for all.  All the effects of this change in culture can still be felt today.

My only point is that when changing the laws, use caution. Progress is good, change is good, but be ready for the consequences of changing a culture that has been refined for possibly thousands of years.

If I could fly...

If I could fly, it would be really cool but ultimately suck since I would freeze my ass if I got high in the air or went really fast.

If I could stop time, it would be awesome but ultimately suck since I would be blind and could not move because light and air would not be moving either.

If I could be invisible, it would be neat but ultimately suck since I would have to be naked and then probably get pretty cold and feel like a pervert. Also probably get hit by a truck and no one would notice but wonder what the smell was a few days later.

If I could read minds, it would be fantastic but ultimately suck since most people are thinking boring thoughts most of the day or thinking insecure thought or things I am thinking myself anyway like "who farted?" I would only be able to figure out who farted if that person laughed on the inside.

If I could be invincible, it would be nifty but ultimately suck since everyone would want to try and beat me up and I would not care but just get annoyed but not be able to do much about it

If I was super strong, it would be crazy but ultimately suck since I would beat someone up for hitting me and then get arrested for it.

Reality really takes all the fun out of fantasy...

Step by Step Guide on How to Quit Games on Facebook

So you don't have enough time in the day because you have to feed you crops, harvest your food, complete your missions, serve you cafe, search for treasure and beat your friend's weekly score? It is time to quit those games!

It starts simple enough, just one game someone introduces you to. You play just for fun and enjoy the distraction. 3 weeks later, you are playing every spare minute you have and probably 3 others that you didn't even know existed a month ago. You free time is gone and you find yourself scheduling your meetings around when you next have to harvest crops. You have a choice, either go work on a real farm or a mine and collect real gems or food or quit!

Now that is confirmed here are the step you need to take.

1) TELL YOUR FRIENDS.
Telling everyone other game player out there does a few things, one, it gets it out in the open, from an idea to an event. Two, it keeps your friends for dragging you back in by saying, "I just gave you a great gift and you need to check it out!"

No going back now

2) REMOVE YOUR REMINDERS.
Remove the apps from iPhone, take down the toolbars, pretty much get rid of everything that will beckon do you later to play again.

What will I do while I am on the jon now?

3) SPEND THE FAKE CASH.
You've saved up money in most of the games for a rainy day that never comes. If this sounds like you, spend it. Doesn't matter what. Even buy something for a friend that is still playing. Just spend it all since you won't be coming back. If you have have amassed a huge inventory of items, gift them away, all of them.

Best 25 horseshoes I've ever spent

4) FINISH THE CURRENT TASKS
Most tasks are easy, only take a day or two. For those, or the ones you are almost done, you might as well finish them. This way you will feel more complete when you walk away.

5) BLOCK THE APPS
This is the big one. Facebook gives you a scary, powerful tool called the 'Block' button. Use it and don't look back.

What can I rate a game I hate but can't stop playing?

6) DISTRACT YOURSELF
Go out, see a movie, meet with friends, watch the complete LOST series in one sitting, do whatever it takes to not play for a few weeks. After that you should be free of their death grip on your life.

Chopping down a real tree takes a lot more than 12 energy points

7) REJOICE!
Buy yourself something nice. You earned it.

I am starting this right now. Lets see how it goes...

Short term CEOs

One of the things I have noticed about IPOed companies (companies with stock options) are that they all become short term driven within 3 years. Strong companies that stand the test of time don't think short term, they think things over for the long haul. Unfortunately I have also seen these large companies succum to the short term stratagy when things look bleek or the excutives become either greedy or afraid of their stock holders.


I first noticed this years ago when there was a commercial for a finance company that was investing into a pickle company and they thought it was a good reason to invest because the VP of the pickle company had the great idea of putting in one less pickle per jar which saved the company millions over all. "It is that forward thinking we look for in companies to invest in!" My god, I am no stock trader millionare but come on! You are literally screwing all your customer to save a buck. Sure on paper, it sounds good, make less, sell more but you are pissing off your customers! Who would want to buy from a company that is knowingly screwing you over to make more money. The problem is, everyone is doing it now.

Granola bars used to come in a package of 6, not they mostly have 5. The box is still the same size however. fruits and vegiatbles are larger but they have less nutrients. (studies show that brocolli from 30 years ago had 10x more nutrients than today's brands, even the organic ones!) Even potato chips and icecream bars have more air in the container than actual food! This needs to stop, now.

Sure you will sell more products because people will have to buy more to get the same amount but down the line, but you are sacrificing brand loyalty and they will just by less from you and more from someone else, or just less overall.

The stock holders want more money, but they are also the consumers, if you tell them you are giving less pickles, sure they would buy more stock but they would also buy less pickles...